Gizmodo has pointed out that the new, much talked about Nintendo Wii has a super crazy instruction manual that tells you what you shouldn’t do with it. We’re not just talking what each button does or how you should hold it, we’re talking about instructions like: Do not attempt to control your heart with the Wiimote (pictured).

Other instructions are:

1. Do not pour half a bottle of orange-flavored tea onto your Wii. Anything less than half is fine.
2. The Wii is not a tie. (I actually did this when I was playing Zelda.)
3. Do not attempt to control your heart with the Wiimote.
4. Do not imitate that clip of the “smoking woman” with your Wii.
5. When the Wii catches a cold, use a hypo-allergenic blanket.
6. Do not remove the four leaf clover from your Wii. It is Nintendo’s secret to motion sensing.
7. Do not unwrap the Wii over your head.
8. Do not attempt to produce your own twist-ties for the sensor bar. One is provided for you.
9. Test have shown limited success with playing the Wii with your feet. However, you will produce lightning.
10. Blu-ray discs will not work in the Wii.
11. Do not lay out a Wii for homeless Japanese citizens. They should clean themselves up and get a job like an honorable salaryman.
12. Do not forcibly remove Wii discs. There is an ejection mechanism. Jerk.
13. Do not attempt to wake up the Wii when it is napping.
14. Do not attempt to plug the nunchuk attachment into your foot. Again, lightning.

The Japanese are either comedians or just straight insane, printing this kind of instruction manual. I’ve tried playing with this thing and I did not like it at all. It’s definitely not made for the lazy gamer. If anything, it hurts your arm even more because if you’re playing a racing game, you’ll have to hold it up and out and move it about the whole time. As cool as the invention is, it’s really not worth the money and you’ll end up visiting your chiropractor after you’re done. You’re probably much better off laying on the couch with your XBOX controller in your lap pushing buttons.